I watched the sunset with friends today. The sun was casting a soft yellow light on the city. It looked like a fading incandescent bulb. I could tell the color pattern was special because of all the social media energy. I just enjoyed the moment, the splendor, and the awe. Sometimes the moment is better seized without a camera. Now my imagination can take hold of my memory.
Love Renaissance. Indigo Child Release.
because my story isn’t finished.
I love the Alabama Shakes. Brittany Howard is singing to me.
"Hey young lovely, I just want you around"
I used to have a friend that I shared ridiculous experiences with. Nothing crazy, just funny times that were out of the ordinary. I was hasty with my heart and I lost that.
At the time I thought I appreciated what it meant to put a friendship on the line for a deeper relationship. The relationship limbo of not having a title was so awkward emotionally for the both of us, especially with no clearly defined boundaries. We were both carefree in that instance. Being together was just fun.
Now we’re left with nothing. I don’t want to think about her and say, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs. I do feel slighted. I know what doing it right looks like this time, but that’s all hindsight. I don’t want to distinguish what I know from what I think it could be, if we tried again. In the end I wasn’t picked and that’s not ok with me, but not having my friend has not been ok either. The void is never going to heal, and I may never get over the feelings I have. I suppose that’s ok. Moving on is what the goal is and they’re mutually exclusive.
What does moving on look like? For me I think that’s something I’ll discover when it happens. I think moving on is different for everyone.
Tomorrow by Future Islands is the perfect song for this situation.